July 01, 2008


I am a pretty extroverted person as anyone who has met me would readily confirm. On most occasions I would intuitively talk to people or at least make some kind of contact. Even in elevators! I talk to the lady at my bakery, smile at random people at the bus stop, talk loudly with friends in the street and shortly after find myself talking to interested bystanders. Being social is a part of me. I like to connect and learn and be interested, because what I get back is knowledge and affection and love.

But then I also live alone. If I don't make sure I have company I don't get it. I can link myself in seconds, but I can shut myself away just as easily and sometimes I need that. It is a way of getting my head free. Letting emotions and thoughts flow that usually are developed in conversations with my people. That's when all the mental processes come and go and I have to cope with them without taking refuge in another person's head that I can empathetically access. I am forced to think about myself, feel my feelings without immediately expressing them and thereby transforming them. This is confusing and I choose to pick up a conversation with a piece of paper. I calm down. I am sure to somehow have grown spiritually. I will still not know what I should do, but I will not feel as overwhelmed any more.

Tomorrow I will go and see some friends! Or maybe the day after tomorrow...

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